Episode 31 -- "I still wonder how my husband found the time and space to cheat on me"

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“I never thought this will happen to me. I had a family, we were not perfect together but it worked and we were good at raising our sons. I still wonder how my husband as a stay-home dad found the time and the space to cheat on me. He even brought the woman to my house under the excuse that they were working on an art project together, she was around our kids and met me! So many lies.... and I thought we had an honest relationship, that we were partners, I trusted him completely. 

It's been 2 months since he moved out. For my youngest son the separation has brought some benefits, he is more independent and tantrums have improved, I think my husband was smothering him a bit, he could be overprotecting. For my oldest son it has been harder, he asks so many questions about what happened and I actually follow the advice I heard on this podcast about speaking with him about his father's affair. It helped him when I told the truth with a neutral stand, thanks for that episode! 

They have a very close relationship with their father and sometimes I felt that I had to compete for the same kind of relationship with the kids, however the separation has allowed me to have the space at the end of the day to just enjoy each other’s company and build a different relationship than the one we use to have and I like that. 

I try to keep in mind that they need their father since he has been very involved in their lives since they were babies but at the same time I have to make changes around the house and in our logistics because he simply doesn't live with us anymore. 

It is very hard to overcome the betrayal, the hurt and the broken heart when you have to still see him and talk to him almost every day. I don't want to introduce massive changes in the kids’ lives but the truth is that I would just love not to see him anymore for the rest of my life. I know that this is not possible and every time I see him I feel that I take a step back in my process of continuing on with my life. I don't want to depend on him to take care of the kids while I work full time and I'm trying to take more time to find alternative solutions but is terrible hard for me. I do it for my sons because if it were for me I would banish him from my life for good today.”