Episode 8 -- I Have No Idea What Rules to Set and How Strict to Be

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Here’s the story we discuss this week:

“My 5 year old son wants to use the tablet to play games constantly. I let him play on it when I am nursing his baby brother because I can't give him attention then but he constantly asks me for it and I often find myself giving in.

Yesterday I got so fed up I hid the tablet but I found him playing on it and when I asked him about it he hid it behind his back and lied that he didn’t have it. I have never known him to lie so brazenly before. It disturbs me because he behaves like an addict and I feel like a drug dealer in control of supply. I absolutely hate it.

In general I feel rubbish at setting boundaries. I have no idea what rules to set and how strict to be and feel like I am just making things up as I go along. I know how important consistency is and yet I just can't seem to manage.

We have similar issues with snacking. I am also not good with boundaries and self regulation myself and often overeat. I had mixed messages around rules growing up. My mum was a single parent and very laid back. I had few rules and was allowed to do pretty much whatever I wanted. For example I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and as I got older I could smoke and swear in the house with no consequence. My grandparents on the other hand where I spent a lot of my childhood were super strict disciplinarians. I long for the middle ground but feel lost and like a failure.

I just want to do the best for my children and control these situations properly but I don't know how. I would so appreciate some advice. Thank you.”