Episode 20 -- How could I have best supported my son?"

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Here’s the (edited) story we discuss this week:

“I divorced the father of my son about 20 years ago (my initiative). Our son was hurt in a car accident and got whiplash after that .He needed orthopedic treatment , medications and so on. He wanted to get off from the cold winter here in the Northern hemisphere and wished to live in the Southern hemisphere.  That worked for 2 years as his father supported our son to have an ordinary cheap living there . But then his father refused to help (even though he has a lot of money) and this is his only child.

Then our son starts to be a lot worse, lost hope, silenced and so on. I tried to cooperate with my former husband as I believed it was the only way. It took a long time for me to see that his father had become worse, even more egotistical than when we were married and to me it looked as trauma bonding with the message ‘I’ll help You only if You will Be as I want you to be’. 

His father started to try to get our son into psychiatric treatment, just as he was hunting him, he negatively defined every move he made, he infiltrated our sons’ friends ... I left because I could not be a part of that ,and we don’t live close. 

What could I have done to not have get hooked up again in the old destructive patterns? I didn’t want me or my son to be dependent on my selfish former husband – who only looks to his own welfare in everything. Should I just have stayed away, stepped aside , not got involved? 

Our son has now disappeared, we do not know where he is. Now I am afraid that he felt that he didn’t think he could trust me. My main question is ‘How could I best have supported my son when he was ill and totally dependent on his fathers’ money to survive - when I myself have a low income?’